What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It's shift work.

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Some people think it's romantic to carve their names on trees in the park while on a date.
I'm more worried about why they're bringing a knife on their date.

2 cows are grazing in a field. 1 cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?". The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!".

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?


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Comments (15)

  1. depressedgirl

    So funny and weird.

    August 01, 2017
    1. rebecca2013

      nahh not weird… fits with my kind of humor

      August 01, 2017
  2. SEC

    a short psychic escaped police custody: headline read “Small medium at large”

    August 01, 2017
    1. rebecca2013


      August 01, 2017
      1. SEC

        August 01, 2017
        1. rebecca2013

          To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

          August 01, 2017
          1. SEC

            doubly so

            August 01, 2017
          2. wirelessguru1

            I created nothing by negating the one.
            +1 (Neo)

            August 01, 2017
  3. formerlyme

    August 01, 2017
  4. Bettymom

    Yok yok yok!

    August 01, 2017
  5. wirelessguru1

    Only Trump could make Demonrats suddenly all concerned about not being able to join the US military.

    August 01, 2017
  6. RRoe


    August 01, 2017
    1. wirelessguru1


      August 01, 2017
  7. briton

    Auctioneer’s introduction to foreplay

    August 10, 2017
    1. rebecca2013


      August 12, 2017